


How to Find a Mate in Less than Thirty Days

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2004-07-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus gets some bad news, and the Marauder's take matters into their own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

_Unravel me_

a distant cord 

on the outside is forgotten 

a constant need to get along 

and the animal awakens 

and all I feel is black and white 

\-- "Black & White," Sarah McLachlan

Remus slumped down in his chair, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to ward off a looming headache. He growled softly before turning back to the open potion textbook in front of him. He'd barely had time to focus on the bezoar's ingredients before the book was tugged roughly out of his hands.

"Are you still studying this?" Sirius asked, flipping through the book briefly before dropping it to the table.

"In case you forgot, there is a quiz tomorrow," Remus replied, "At least one of us needs to be prepared."

"It's midnight, Moony. James wants to make a run down to Honeydukes for some Sugar Quills for Lily."

"No, thanks, Sirius. I have no urge to get both suspended and arrested tonight," Remus said as he retrieved the potions book from where Sirius had dropped it.

"We're going to pay for the quills, you know," Sirius stated, dropping into the chair across the table. "C'mon, Moony, it'll a chance for you to get to Hogsmeade. Especially since...." Sirius trailed off as Remus met his eyes.

"I'm perfectly aware that the next Hogsmeade weekend falls on a full moon," Remus said calmly, rising to his feet and tucking the textbook under his arm.

"I can stay. I-If you want the company," Sirius offered.

"You don't have to stay, Padfoot. I'm perfectly fine spending the rest of the evening alone," he replied, turning and heading for the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory. "You should go though. Have fun in Hogsmeade." Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, then grimaced.

"I'd rather stay if it's just going to be me and James and Lily. I don't really want to watch the two of them snogging in the tunnels all night."

"There's always Peter," Remus offered, glancing over his shoulder with a smile. Sirius snorted.

"Please. Peter refuses to leave his bed since Snape turned his hair green in potions," Sirius replied. Remus opened his mouth to reply, but a sudden pain flared in the back of his head. The stairs in front of him began to tilt as dizziness started to overwhelm him and the pain spread down his neck. He doubled over, his hands groping out in front of him, and he pressed his forehead against the cool stone of the stairwell.

"Remus?" Sirius called out, the sound seeming to come from a distance. Dimly, Remus felt his friend's cool hands on his arms as Sirius turned him over onto his back. "Remus, what's wrong?" He stared up at Sirius's face and couldn't find his voice as another stab of pain laced through his body. The edges of Remus's vision began to blur. "Go!" Sirius ordered, gesturing to the first year Gryffindors gathered around them. "Get Madame Pomfrey!"

That was the last thing Remus heard before unconsciousness claimed him.


	2. 1

  
_I want it all to go away I want to be alone_

sympathy's wasted on my hollow shell 

__

I feel there's nothing left to fight for 

__

No reason for a cause 

__

And I can't hear your voice and I can't feel you near

__

\-- "Lost," Sarah McLachlan

Remus cracked his eyes open and hissed slightly as his eyes became adjusted to the blinding light in the infirmary. He blinked against the slight pain and focused on the window on the wall behind his bed.

"I'm glad you're awake," a kind voice commented, causing Remus to roll his eyes away from the window to focus on Dumbledore sitting next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I ended up between Snape and James in a duel," Remus replied, rising up from a sitting position.

"Tell me what you remember," Dumbledore suggested, leaning back in his chair.

"I remember studying for potions and getting distract by Sirius," Remus said, smiling slightly at Dumbledore and the Headmaster returned his smile. "I-I don't remember much after that. I know I passed out." Dumbledore nodded, rising to his feet and pacing down the length of the bed.

"Your birthday is next month, yes?" Dumbledore asked, suddenly turning and facing Remus. He narrowed his eyes, studying Remus's face for...something.

"I'll be seventeen, sir."

"Ten years to the day since the start of your....condition?" Dumbledore said, somehow managing to twist his statement into a question.

Remus swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"I've been afraid of this," Dumbledore sighed, sliding back into his chair, suddenly looking worn and tired, his eyes worried as he stared at Remus.

"Headmaster--" Remus began, but Dumbledore held up a tired hand.

"I knew this was a possibility before you even came here," Dumbledore stated. "But there was nothing definite. Most werewolves don't survive their first ten years. Either they're not strong enough, and can't handle the transformations. Or...or they get hunted." Remus looked down at his hands, trying to follow the Headmaster's train of thought. "But there were rumors. Rumors that I've spent a great deal of time researching. And now, now they are no longer rumors."

"Sir, I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say," Remus said, glancing up at Dumbledore.

"Of course not." Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I appear to be babbling." He glanced around the infirmary, focussing intently at the corner by the door before turning back to Remus. Dumbledore watched the boy's face for a few second, seeming, to Remus, as if he was at a loss for words at the first time in his life.

"Remus, have you ever heard that natural wolves mate for life?" Remus nodded slightly in reply, remembering the Muggle book on wolves that Lily had given him for Christmas.

"A wolf who does not have a mate finds itself at a disadvantage in terms of survival. It cannot hunt to the best of its advantage, nor can it defend any territory it possesses," Remus stated, recalling the words he'd read repeatedly.

"Correct," Dumbledore stated, looking at him sadly. "Now, the wolf inside a werewolf, being at its core a magical being, takes the concept to the extreme. If a werewolf lives see the decade mark of its existence and has not chosen a mate during that time, then it will die." Dumbledore took a deep breath. "Your wolf cannot live without a mate." He stared hard at Remus. "Literally cannot live."

"Are you saying...." Remus trailed off, staring at Dumbledore, trying to find some resemblance to the kindly old man with twinkling eyes that had been the norm for six years. "Are you saying that I'm dying?"

"There is a way to avoid it, Remus," Dumbledore stated.

"Yes, to find someone whith whom I want to spend the rest of my life in a month," Remus replied, testily. He shook his head, running a hand over his face, suddenly feeling very tired. "I'm sorry, sir," he said, glancing up at Dumbledore. "I...This is a lot to process at once."

"I understand, and you should get some rest." He rose to his feet, but smiled down at Remus. "If you need anything, you can always come a speak with me." Remus settled back into the hospital cot as Dumbledore walked towards the door. Remus's eyes narrowed as Dumbledore paused at the corner by the door and muttered something that sounded very similar to a greeting. Then the Headmaster was gone.

"I'll never understand how he knows," Remus heard as Sirius pulled the Invisibility Cloak off. He glanced over Remus, his eyes showing more worry than Remus had seen in the boy in their six years of friendship.

"Where are James and Peter?" Remus asked, trying to make his voice sound light as he silently mulled over Dumbledore's news.

"There wasn't room for all four of us under the cloak, and Lily refused to stay behind. Her exact words were...." Sirius placed his hands on his hips and glared at Remus, "'James Wesley Potter, if you think that I'm staying behind, then you are mistaken, and if you insist on this unreasonable line of thought, then you and I will never, ever, be meeting behind the greenhouses again.' Then James went pale and started stuttering." Remus laughed softly, relieved that neither his laughter nor smile were forced.

"So they elected you to come in their place?"

"Actually, I, uh, stole the Cloak while James was trying to pry his foot from his mouth. I figure all three of them will be bursting in any minute now," Sirius stated, smiling sadly. Silence descended on the pair as Sirius claimed the seat the Dumbledore had vacated. "I-I heard what he said," Sirius said so softly that Remus almost didn't hear him.

"I figured as much," Remus replied, glancing over at Sirius.

"Do you think...what are you going to do?" Sirius said.

"I don't know," Remus whispered as the full truth of what Dumbledore had said finally hit home. Tears stung at his eyes as he glanced at Sirius. "I'm sixteen, Sirius. I don't want to die."

"You're not going to," Sirius stated with as more conviction than Remus was currently feeling. "You're a Marauder, Moony. We don't let each other die."

"You sound very certain, Padfoot," Remus said. Sirius reached out and touched Remus's hand.

"We'll figure something out. We always do."


	3. 2

  
_I need some distraction_

oh beautiful release

__

memory seeps from my veins

__

let me be empty

__

and weightless and maybe

__

I'll find some peace tonight 

__

\-- "Angel," Sarah McLachlan

"You're not leaving the infirmary. I don't care what Madame Pomfrey said," Sirius stated, placing his hands on Remus's shoulders and pushing him back onto the bed.

"Yes. I am. Potions quiz, remember? And McGonagall is certainly not going to appreciate me missing her lecture," Remus said, pushing Sirius's hands away from him as he rose to his feet, placing himself nose to nose with him since Sirius refused to budge an inch. "I. Am. Going. To. Class," Remus stated, his voice soft and calm but with a harshness brought on by stress leaking through.

"No. You. Are. Not," Sirius replied, a small grin on his features, and he brought his hands up to Remus's shoulders, trying, once again, to push Remus back to the bed. However, Remus held his ground, refusing to move. The pressure that Sirius was putting behind his hands combined with Remus's refusal to given in caused the two to end up closer together. Remus stared up at Sirius, watching his friend's grey eyes cloud with worry...and fear?

Remus breath hitched in his throat as his heart started pounding as he watched Sirius bend slightly forward. Then he blinked as if suddenly noticing the physical proximity of Remus and pushed him away.

"Remus, I...." Sirius began, his voice soft enough that Remus had to struggle to hear him, dropping into the chair by the bed. Remus swallowed, glancing down at the floor before meeting Sirius's eyes. "You know me, Remus. You know I don't get scared." Sirius sighed, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

"I know, Padfoot," Remus replied, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So, why is it that I'm terrified right now?"

"You have no reason to be afraid of anything," Remus said, "I'm the one who should be afraid."

"Then why aren't you?" Sirius replied.

"You think I'm not? I am, Padfoot. I'm terrified. I don't want....I don't want to die, Sirius. I told you that." Remus sighed, running a hand over his features. "I-I just don't know what to do. I can't sit here anymore and dwell on it. I can't think of anyone to....mate with."

"There's always Lily," Sirius offered, opening one eye and smirking at Remus. Remus snorted, shaking his head.

"Oh, yes, let's do that. I so relish the thought of James killing me while I sleep," Remus said, returning Sirius's smirk. "We've got to get to class."

"You're not giving up on that, are you?" Sirius asked, rising to his feet. Remus shook his head, causing Sirius to sigh. "I know better than to argue with you. I really do," he muttered. Remus stared at Sirius for a second, a small smile playing on his face as Sirius brushed a wayward piece of black hair out of his eyes. Remus came to a sudden decision, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Sirius. The other boy stiffened slightly before relaxing and returning the embrace.

"Thank you," Remus said softly before pulling back from the hug.

"For what? I mean, I really haven't done anything," Sirius replied, picking up Remus's school bag and handing it to him. "Madame Pomfrey wouldn't even let me stay last night."

"Thank you for at least being here last night. I-I needed someone to talk to, and it helped," Remus said, securing his bag on his shoulders and stepping towards the door of the infirmary. Sirius caught up to him quickly, and they stepped out into the already crowded corridor. They'd barely made it past the infirmary when they heard their names being called out over the din of the crowd. The pair turned to see James forcing his way through a pack of first-year Slytherins towards them.

"Remus, I wasn't expecting you to be out from under Madame Pomfrey's eyes, yet. What did you have to bribe her with?" James said as he finally reached them.

"Dumbledore told her that I should be fine to attend class," Remus replied.

"That's certainly good to hear," Lily stated, stepping up to stand next to James. She wrapped an arm around his waist and laid her head against his shoulder. "Did they tell you what was wrong?"

"I...." Remus began, turning questioning eyes to Sirius.

"I didn't tell them anything. I figured...I thought that you would want to tell them, rather than having me do it," Sirius said, leaning over so that only Remus would hear. Remus turned back to Lily and James, the former having raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"I'll explain later. Not...not out here," he stated. Understanding dawned in James's eyes.

"Does this have to do with...?" James left the rest of the question hanging, but Remus caught his train of thought and nodded. "Ah," James muttered, "In that case, we should get to Potions."

"Where's Peter?" Sirius asked, looking around for the smaller boy as the four of them headed for the Dungeons. James rolled his eyes.

"Still faking sick. He refuses to leave the common room until his hair turns back to normal. I told him that it was a nice shade of puce this morning, hoping that would brighten his day, but he merely threw a pillow at me," James stated with a snicker, causing Lily to elbow him in the side. "What? It was a very nice color." That earned him a minor chuckle Lily and Remus, but Sirius was too busy studying Remus to respond.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Sirius asked, never taking his eyes off of Remus.

"Yes, Padfoot," Remus replied, cocking his head at Sirius. "I promise not to pass out again," he stated calmly as they reached the door to the Potions classroom. "I'll be fine," he said, offering a small smile as they stepped through the door. They grabbed their normal seats that the back of the room just as Professor Purslane swept in the room, her green robes billowing out behind her. She reached her desk and pulled out a large vial containing a golden potion.

"This is a poisonous combination of yellow oleander, wormwood, and the powdered scales of a Peruvian Vipertooth Dragon. You have one hour to provide an antidote. Considering that you will be ingesting this potion, I suggest that you work diligently." With those words, the class began to divide up into pairs. As Sirius headed for his usual spot next to Remus, the professor called out, "Mr. Black, I'm sorry to inform you that you and Mr. Lupin will not be pairing up this time. Since I'm fairly certain that you have not studied, I'm afraid that you and Mr. Potter will have to fend for yourselves. Mr. Lupin, Miss Evans, I trust that you two will do quite well."

Sirius and James paled as they stared at Professor Purslane. They exchanged a look then glanced over at Lily and Remus. Lily smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, James," she muttered, preparing the cauldron and Remus gathered the ingredients necessary for the antidote. They began adding the necessary ingredients slowly, trying not to unsettle the potion, both of them concentrating and trying to ignore the explosions coming from Sirius and James's cauldron.

"Mr. Potter, do actually try to brew the antidote without blowing up my classroom," Purslane stated, raising an eyebrow at them. Remus glanced up and met Sirius's eyes, holding the stare for several seconds. Lily followed his gaze and smiled slightly.

"Only one more ingredient," she whispered, holding up a griffin feather and dropping it into the potion. She watched the cauldron for a second, then adjusted the fire underneath with her wand. "And now we wait."

"When it turns purple, it's ready," Remus replied automatically, still watching Sirius as he and James added their griffin feather to their antidote. After a few tense seconds, when their potion did not explode, the pair relaxed. Sirius glanced at Remus with a smile.

"You should have seen him last night," Lily stated, not taking her eyes off the potion.

"Who?" Remus asked, turning back to the red-headed girl.

"Sirius," she said, "When he got back from the infirmary last night. He was shaking so hard I thought were going to have to call Madame Pomfrey again."

"Oh," Remus muttered, glancing down at the table.

"Whatever's wrong, Remus, Sirius is really worried," Lily said, staring up at him. "And that made me and James worried." Remus glanced around the room, not wanting to look at Lily; he finally settled on watching Sirius and James try to hex Snape from across the room.

"I'm dying, Lily," Remus whispered.

"What? You can't be....Tell me you're joking," she demanded, placing a hand on his arm.

"I wish I was, Lily. I really wish I was." Remus sighed, finally meeting her eyes. "Dumbledore told me that....basically, I have to find a mate by my next birthday or, you know...."

"But that's next month. That's really not fair," Lily stated.

"I know," Remus replied, just as the antidote turned purple. Lily put out the fire and grabbed her dragonhide gloves in order to pour the antidote into the small vial on their table. She placed the stopper in the top of it and dropped down into her chair.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" She blinked and grinned, shaking her head. "Sorry, that's probably way more that you want to share right now."

"No, I-I haven't really thought about it. I'm not even sure how to approach the subject. I mean, what do I say? How do I explain it?" He smiled sadly.

"Well, maybe you don't have to," Lily stated, suddenly getting a look in her eyes that was very reminiscent of James and Sirius when they were plotting. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Maybe you could find someone who already knows."

"And that would be you, James, Peter, and Sirius. You and James are taken, and Peter's not my type. And Sirius...." Remus trailed off, glancing over at the other table again.

"What about Sirius?" Lily prodded.

"You've seen the way he is around girls. He wouldn't be interested," Remus stated, tearing his gaze away from them.

"Right. Well, there's always Rebecca from Hufflepuff," Lily offered, dropping the subject, but, Remus noticed, the plotting look never left her eyes. "She's had a crush on you since last year. Couldn't hurt to go out with her at least once, right?"

"I suppose," Remus admitted, eyeing Lily warily.

"Good. You'll ask her at lunch?" Remus nodded as Professor Purslane called time.


	4. 3

  
_A glowing ember_

burning hot, burning slow

__

deep within I'm shaken by the violence

__

of existing for only you

__

I know I can't be with you

__

I do what I have to do

__

But I have the sense to recognize that

__

I don't know how to let you go

__

\-- "Do What You Have To Do," by Sarah McLachlan 

There are certain things about life that Remus had come to expect, and one of those was the Sirius and James were eventually going to brew the wrong antidote and end up dead on the dungeon floor. He sighed, watching Purslane close in on the pair at the back of the room. Sirius smiled half-heartedly at the professor, and James went pale as their antidote turned blue rather than the required purple.

"Those two are going to end up dead," Lily muttered. "If they would just study..."

"Ah, yes, but that would make sense, wouldn't it?" Remus replied as Purslane caught sight of James and Sirius's potion.

"Mr. Potter, you are aware that the antidote is supposed to be purple, yes?"

"I'd, uh, I'd suspected as much, Professor," James replied, and Remus could hear Purslane sigh in frustration.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor for sheer incompetence," she stated, turning away from them and heading towards her desk. "Make sure your stations are clean, and then leave. Class dismissed." The flurry of noise as the students disposed of leftover antidotes and ingredients was nearly deafening, and Remus and Lily hurried out of the potions classroom before Purslane could find another reason to deduct points.

"I'll never understand why you two don't at least attempt to try in that class," Lily muttered, intertwining her arm with James's. "You have top marks in everything else."

"True, but we can't excel at everything. We'd get a reputation," James replied as the four of them stepped out of the dungeon.

"Right, and you wouldn't want a reputation," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, at least not one that contradicts the current Marauder reputation," Sirius replied, putting an arm around Lily's shoulders and ignoring James's glare. "And besides, I'm quite sure that Purslane wouldn't know what to do if James and I were ever the perfect student. She expects us to be lackluster, and I, for one, would hate to disappoint a professor."

"Right," James replied, nodding and pushing Sirius's arm off of Lily. Sirius merely stuck his tongue out at James wrapped his other arm around Remus, who caught sight of Lily's quick grin at the gesture.

"I've got Divination," Lily stated, unwrapping her arm from James's and leaning up on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the cheek. "See you at lunch." She grinned at Remus and Sirius again before running for the North Tower.

"And we've got Arithmancy," James stated, turning and heading in the opposite direction.

"Oh, joy," Sirius muttered before glancing at Remus. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. No pain, no passing out," Remus replied, smiling slightly, "Lily's plotting, though."

"I figured. She was casting odd looks at me and James during Potions," Sirius replied as the two of them followed James down the corridor. He was quiet for a second before clearing his throat. "Did you tell her?" he asked.

"Yeah," Remus stated quietly, "She immediately started working on a plan."

"She's been around us too long," Sirius said, glancing at Remus, meeting the other boy's eyes. "Remus?" he asked, his voice soft. "I really need to tell you something."

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked, turning and facing his friend, concern slicing through his mind.

"What? No, no, nothing's wrong exactly. It's just that....sometimes people spend time toget--" Before Sirius could finish his though a feminine voice rang out in the hall.

"Oi, Remus!" The pair turned to see a small blonde girl pushing through the crowd. "Lily said there was something you need to tell me? She said it was urgent." She glanced at Sirius. "Sirius," she said, nodding in greeting.

"Rebecca," Sirius replied, stepping away from Remus, his cheeks reddening slightly. Remus glanced at Sirius, raising his eyebrows in a question. Sirius gestured with his chin at Rebecca. Remus smiled slightly and led Rebecca a short distance away. Remus glanced over his shoulder one more time and met Sirius's eyes. Remus visibly start as he caught sight of hurt and confusion in his friend's gaze, but Sirius grinned suddenly, the brief flash of emotion gone.

"Um, Rebecca, what exactly did Lily tell you?" Remus asked.

"Just that you had something urgent to tell me. She didn't specify, and she was in a hurry to get to class," Rebecca said.

"I, uh, I wanted to know if you would be interested in a-a picnic?" he asked, watching her closely. She smiled brightly.

"That would be wonderful," Rebecca replied.

"Would this afternoon be good or tomorrow?"

"This afternoon will be perfectly fine," she stated, smiling at him before turning and running back towards the Divinations room.

"I'm going to kill, Lily," Remus stated, turning to face Sirius. Except Sirius was no longer there, and Remus couldn't see him in the corridor anywhere. He shrugged, figuring that Sirius had grown tired of waiting and gone ahead to class.

However, Sirius wasn't in the Arithmancy classroom either, Remus noted as he claimed his seat next to James before Professor Vector cleared her throat and began the lecture. James glanced at Remus, catching his eyes and indicating Sirius's empty chair on the other side of Remus. Remus shook his head in response and pulled out his quill to begin taking notes. His gaze, however, kept drifting down to the empty chair, and Remus couldn't help spending the rest of the hour wondering about his friend's odd behavior.

"You have no clue where he is?" James asked, stuffing his books into his bag as he startled Remus out of his contemplation.

"None. We were in the hall when Rebecca, from Hufflepuff, came up, and when I turned back he was gone," Remus said, shaking his head. "It was odd."

"Maybe he forgot something this morning? He rushed out of the Common Room almost as soon as he was awake," James replied as the two of them headed out of the classroom walking towards the Great Hall. "He'll probably be at lunch, flirting with the third-years, I'm sure."

"I hope so," Remus sighed, glancing around at the crowd, hoping to catch some sight him. They entered the Great Hall, but found only Lily sitting at their usual spot at the end of the Gryffindor table.

"Hey," she greeted, looking up from her Divination's text. Her eyes narrowed though, noticing the missing Marauder. "Where's Sirius?"

"We were hoping you had seen him. Did you see him come in here?" James asked, dropping down onto the bench beside her.

"Not at all," she said, glancing up a Remus, who had gone pale as an inexplicable dread settled in his gut.

"He disappeared after Rebecca and I talked," Remus stated, sitting down across the table from them and resting his head in his hands.

"Oh," Lily muttered, her eyes suddenly wide, "OH!" She hopped to her feet, grabbing her books and tucking them under her arms. She kissed James's temple and rushed out of the Hall, brushing past Dumbledore on her way out. The Headmaster turned and regarded James and Remus with a curious glance. Lunch passed in silence, as Remus mostly just moved his food around on his plate, hardly taking a bite of any of it.

"I'm getting worried," James finally muttered, dropping his fork on to his plate and getting up from the table.

"Me too," Remus agreed, rising to his feet, and the two of them headed out of the Hall and towards Gryffindor Tower. They rushed down the corridor, calling out the password ("Mooncalf!") to the Fat Lady, and into the Common Room.

"They're not here," James commented, heading towards the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

"They're not up there either," Peter commented, watching Remus and James from one of the chairs by the fireplace. "Lily left about ten minutes ago."

"Where, Peter?" Remus asked, stepping over to the smaller boy. Peter smiled slightly, brushing a piece of light green hair out of his eyes.

"The Shrieking Shack, I think," he replied. "At least, that's where Sirius was going."

"Thanks, Peter," James commented, already pulling Remus towards the door. "Your hair looks a lot better," he commented over his shoulder as the two of them open the portrait hole and hurried down the corridor.

"I don't know what's going on," James began as the two of them stepped out into the sunlight. "But Sirius hasn't been himself today." Remus nodded his understanding. "And I think it has a lot to do with whatever happened last night."

"I noticed," Remus stated, glancing over at James as the neared the Whomping Willow, and the two of them fell into the normal routine as James distracted the tree, earning a lass across his arm for his trouble, and Remus slipped between the branches to tap the knot. As the tree stilled and the passage opened, James and Remus slipped into the opening. "I'm sick, James. It's difficult to explain, and I can do it better later tonight." James nodded his acceptance as they reached the Shrieking Shack.

"Well, at least, we found them," James muttered, pointing out a trail of recent footprints in the dust leading up the stairs. They were halfway up the stairs before the could hear Lily's voice plainly.

"Sirius, if you would just stop being stubborn," she was saying.

"And, what, Red? Tell Remus? Become a laughing stock? Not really my idea of hijinks," Sirius replied.

"If you would just tell him, then we wouldn't have to worry about things a month from now, would we?" James raised his eyebrows at Remus at that, but Remus just shook his head.

"So, let's assume I tell him. Let's assume that I pour my heart out, and he tells me that he's already decided, and I'm not his choice?" Sirius paused then, and James and Remus could hear him sigh. "I'm not sure if I could deal with that."

"You're in love with him," Lily stated, her voice calm and filled with understanding. James's gaze shot over to Remus whose eyes widened in response.

"Yeah, and what if....by Merlin, Red, what if he assumes that I'm only saying it because he's dying?"

"Dying?" James mouthed at Remus, and he nodded in return, taking an unconscious step forward, up the stairs, but James hand stopped him from moving.

"He'll know you're not. Gods, Sirius, it's obvious. I mean, the way you look at him should be proof enough," Lily replied.

"And if it's not? What if he can't stand to be around me after...Red, it hurts to even think about him dying, but to loose him before then...that hurts even more."

"I-If you'd just talk to him, Sirius," she replied, "Maybe, maybe things will work out. Just...just promise me you'll tell him before the month is up." There was a second of silence, before, softly, Lily said, "Please."

"I promise. Soon. I'll tell Remus soon." James watched Remus closely, and the other boy swallowed heavily.

"Remus?" James whispered.

"I need...I need to get out of here," Remus replied, turning and rushing down the stairs and back into the passage as the door on the landing creaked open.


	5. 4

  
_Through this world I've stumbled_

so many times betrayed

__

trying to find an honest word

__

to find the truth enslaved

__

Oh you speak to me in riddles and

__

you speak to me in rhymes

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my body aches to breathe your breath

__

you words keep me alive

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\-- "Possession," by Sarah McLachlan

Remus shivered slightly, pulling his cloak tighter around him as he walked across the Quidditch pitch, heading towards the Gryffindor stands. He tried to think of something, anything, like the fact that he really should be heading towards the Hufflepuff common room to meet Rebecca, or like the fact that it had rained sometime while he and James had been in the Shrieking Shack.

The Shrieking Shack. Remus sighed, stepping up into the stands, dropping down onto one of the benches, and burying his head in his hands. Once again, Remus tried to get his mind of the revelations he'd just heard, trying to remember the twelve uses of Dragon's blood in potions, but his ploy didn't work, his thoughts returning Sirius.

"Damn it," he muttered, rubbing his hands against his eyes.

"You know, I'm usually the one who comes here to think," a voice commented, causing Remus to start and whirl around. James leaned against the back railing, smiling sadly.

"No one would think to look for me here," Remus replied, turning back to the field. He considered for a moment, glancing at James. "Or, at least, I thought so."

"I took a lucky guess. Figured you wouldn't go back to the Tower, and we've already missed the majority of classes this afternoon." James walked down the aisle and sat down next to Remus. He was silent for a moment, studying the side of Remus's face as the other boy refused to look at him. "You want to tell me what happened back there?" James asked softly.

"What do you want to know?" Remus asked, closing his eyes and waiting.

"Dying? I mean, that can't...I couldn't have heard that right," James said.

"You heard right." Remus sighed again, opening his eyes and staring up at the storm clouds above them. "Dumbledore informed me of that fact last night." He chuckled suddenly surprised at how calm he sounded.

"Oh," James muttered, slumping down on the bench, leaning forward and propping his head up with his hands. "Does this have anything to do with what Sirius...?"

"Possibly. I-I don't know, James. I just don't know." Remus hissed through his teeth as pain flared suddenly in the back of his skull. He clutched at his forehead.

"Remus?" James said, concern saturating his voice as he placed a hand on Remus's shoulder.

"I'm fine. Just a...headache. If I feel like falling unconscious, I'll let you know," he replied, the pain lessening slightly to only a dull throb. "I'm not sure how to deal with this. I'm really not. I have a bomb in my body ready to go off if I don't find someone to spend the rest of my life with, and really, how do you bring that up? 'Hello, I'm a werewolf. Mate with me?'"

"Well, I suppose that's one way of approaching it," James replied, smiling slightly.

"And now Sirius says that he...," Remus began, trailing off.

"Loves you?" James offered helpfully.

" **Thinks** he loves me," Remus corrected absently. "He can't possibly...He can't actually have these feelings. The Sirius I know and being in love with me don't mesh." James sighed, glancing up at the sky.

"Do you remember last year, before Lily and I were together? Do you remember the way you and Sirius kept pointing out how I was acting? Attempting to date everyone she knew just to get her attention?" Remus nodded, watching James with narrowed eyes, trying to follow his train of thought. "Well, that's exactly what Sirius has been doing." James sighed, clenching his teeth, as if trying to find the words to explain. "I didn't notice before, but after hearing what he felt, it makes sense, really."

"No, James, it doesn't. It really doesn't."

"Actually, Moony, it really does. Do you realize that during the summer, he's almost a completely different person? Not quite as...spastic?" James laughed. "I never really noticed before, but you're all he talks about."

"It can't be, James. You're not understanding me, Sirius Black cannot be in love with me."

"And why not?"

"It just...it just can't."

"Right. Your brilliant logic has ruined any argument I could have ever hoped to make," James replied, raising an eyebrow at Remus, who in turn shook his head refusing to meet James's eyes. James took a breath, grinning. "So, how do you feel about Sirius?"

"He's my best friend," Remus replied automatically. "And I'm thoroughly confused about anything beyond that."

"You do realize that you're now Lily's pet project, right?" Remus gave a long-suffering sigh.

"I figured."

"I've got practice in a few minutes. I should go suit up," James commented, walking back towards the steps. He stopped though and turned back to Remus. "Tell me one thing though." Remus glanced up at James. "If you're not in love with Sirius, then why are you sitting up here brooding about him when there's a Hufflepuff on campus waiting for her picnic?"

Remus rolled his eyes and growled softly. "Fuck you, Potter."

"Language, Moony." James's grin widened. "You've been around Sirius too much." He wiggled his eyebrows at the werewolf, then turned and sprinted for the stairs.

"I hate my friends. I really do," he sighed, catching sight of the Gryffindor Quidditch team making its way towards the locker rooms. He rose from his seat and began heading back towards the castle. As he was crossing the courtyard, attempting to find some excuse to give to Rebecca, a hand clamped down on his shoulder. Remus automatically dropped his shoulder down, twisting out of the grasp.

"Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore greeted with a smile.

"Headmaster, sir" Remus replied, suddenly embarrassed by his unconscious attempt to escape. "I didn't realize it was you." Dumbledore merely smiled, holding up a hand to silence his apology.

"I was just about to have some tea. Would you like to accompany me?" Dumbledore offered, and Remus glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the Hufflepuff portion of the castle.

"I need to...Rebecca and I had a date," Remus said, "And with the...the illness, I should...." Again, Dumbledore raised a hand to quiet him.

"I believe Miss Evans has already been by to see Rebecca," Dumbledore replied, "She explained everything, I believe."

"Everything?" Remus asked, swallowing heavily.

"Well, no, of course not everything," Dumbledore smiled. "Some secrets are best left between friends."

"Right," Remus breathed as Dumbledore placed a hand on Remus's shoulder, leading him towards the front doors. As they entered, Remus scanned the crowd, catching sight of Lily's red hair as she leaned against James and next to them, staring at the floor, pointedly not looking at the couple next to him was....

"Sirius," Remus said, his breath catching slightly as the object of his attention suddenly looked up and caught his eyes from across the room. Dumbledore stopped walking, looking between the two boys, and smiled.

"Hmmm, perhaps that tea and our conversation can wait, yes?" Dumbledore stated, turning around. "Good day, Mr. Lupin," he stated before heading down the corridor in the opposite direction with a swish of his robes. Remus barely registered the Headmaster's departure as he watched Sirius head down the corridor towards him. He swallowed and stepped forward to meet his friend.

"Remus," Sirius greeted, looking down at the floor. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. Running out on you and all. I just...."

"I know, Padfoot," Remus stated softly. Sirius's gaze flew up, and he finally met Remus's eyes. "I was there." He took a deep breath. "In the Shrieking Shack."

"Oh," Sirius breathed, glancing back down at the floor. "We need to talk," he said at last, still refusing to look up.

"Yes, I suppose we do," Remus replied, his voice sounding detached to his own ears.

"Remus, I--"

"Not here, Sirius," Remus stated, turning and heading towards the stairwell that would lead the two of them back to Gryffindor Tower. Remus attempted to formulate some kind of response to Sirius as the pair mounted the stairs, but he soon found himself easily distracted by Sirius's close proximity. He swallowed heavily trying to ignore the body behind him, focusing on the landing leading to the tower. The pair remained in silence as they reached the landing and stalked down the corridor towards the Fat Lady. Remus muttered the password and strode into the common room as the portrait swung open.

The portrait swung shut behind Sirius, and the two stood facing each other. Before Remus could open his mouth, Sirius suddenly covered the distance between them, burying his hands in Remus's hair and pulling Remus towards him. Their lips meet, and Remus stiffened slightly at the first contact, prepared to force Sirius away. But as Sirius's blunt teeth nipped at his lower lip, Remus felt his resolve give way and he brought his hands down to Sirius's hips, lacing his fingers into the belt loops of the Muggle jeans and tugging him closer.

A small part of his mind wondered, briefly, at what he was doing, reminding himself that he really should be focused on finding a mate and not on snogging on the common room with Sirius, but another part of his mind, one Remus subconsciously recognized as the wolf, merely wondered why he was bothering to fight this. As Sirius deepened the kiss, his tongue flickering across Remus's lips, Remus silenced the first voice, opening his mouth and bringing his own hands up to intertwine in Sirius's hair.

Reluctantly, Sirius pulled away studying his friend's face closely.

"I'm sorry, Moony," he whispered. "I wanted to do that before you told me stay away from you." Remus stared at him in silence, licking his lips slightly, tasting Sirius's mouth still.

"It was...nice," Remus whispered, "But a mistake." Sirius dropped his eyes, stepping further away.

"Right. I'll be going then," Sirius replied, turning towards the portrait hole.

"Don't," Remus blurted before he could stop himself.

"You don't want me here," Sirius replied, not turning to face him.

"I never said that," Remus muttered, surprised at the surge of emotions dancing through him at the thought of Sirius leaving. His heart pounded in his chest as he watched Sirius turn slightly to him. "This...this whole thing has me confused. I don't know what's going on."

"I love you," Sirius stated softly, soft enough that Remus had to struggle to hear him. Remus opened his mouth, the natural reply on his lips. But before he could tell Sirius, he stopped himself, and clenched his teeth, biting the reply back. Sirius glanced at Remus, nodded, and pushed the portrait open. Then he stepped into the corridor, and Remus slumped against the wall as he disappeared form sight.

"Oh, no, not complicated at all," Remus muttered holding his head in his hands.


	6. 5

  
_Oh and every time I'm close to you_

there's too much I can't say

__

and you just walk away

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I grieve in my condition

__

for I cannot find the strength

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to say I need you so

__

\-- "I Love You," by Sarah McLachlan

Remus opted not to return to the Great Hall, leaving the common room after the portrait swung shut behind Sirius and heading for the boys' dorm. He stepped in the dorm, his hand playing absently across his lips, and noted gratefully that the dorm was empty, Peter apparently venturing outside of the Tower finally.

"Couldn't leave well enough alone, could you, Sirius?" Remus muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes as tears stung at the back of his eyes. "I don't love you. I don't." Even to his own ears Remus's voice sounded petulant, and he knew, then, that he was merely trying to talk himself out of running after his friend. He sighed, toeing off his shoes as he slid back onto his bed, drawing the curtain closed.

He screwed his eyes shut as he curled up, trying to banish any thought of Sirius from his mind. He failed, though, and as the stress of the day and the lack of sleep the night before finally caught up to him, the last thing he thought of before surrendering to sleep was his friend's blue eyes radiating both love and desire.

Hours later, Remus jolted awake as pain sliced through his body. He whimpered softly, curling into a tighter ball, his arms wrapped around himself. His breath came in short, shallow gasps, and a part of him realized that he was in danger of hyperventilating. As the pain began to spread, he recognized it -- the same pain as the previous night. Not as sharp though, he noted, his mind detached from the pain, as he buried his face in the pillow, willing it to stop.

"Please, not now," he hissed, pain throbbing through his head, hard enough that he had to force his eyes shut and muffle a scream into the pillow. "Not now. No, please, no."

"Lumos," a voice whispered as Remus's curtains parted. He flinched away from the sudden brightness, and the same voice muttered, "Nox." The light disappeared, but Remus kept whimpering as the pain spasmed through his body again. "Remus? Gods," the voice breathed, and warm callused hands touched his face. As the fingertips barely brushed Remus's cheeks, the pain stopped suddenly, leaving Remus gasping for air. Remus removed his hands from his own shoulders and grasped the hand touching his face. His eyes fluttered open.

"Sirius?" he muttered, barely able to make out his friend's lean form in the darkness.

"Yeah," Sirius replied, softly, and Remus felt the bed shift slightly as Sirius sat down. "You okay?"

"Surprisingly?" Remus replied, his voice hoarse and his mouth dry, "Yes." He studied the hand he held in his, an idea suddenly dawning on him. He laughed suddenly, and he felt Sirius start beside him. "That would be appropriate, wouldn't it?" he muttered. He closed his eyes, preparing, and then released Sirius's hand. Immediately, the pain slammed back into his body, causing Remus to double up again.

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing the other boy's shoulders and pulling Remus to him. Remus clutched at Sirius's shirt as the pain stopped, his forehead pressed against Sirius's neck.

"Contact, Padfoot," he muttered, "The pain stops with skin contact."

"Oh," Sirius replied softly, his breath ruffling Remus's hair slightly and sending shivers down Remus's spine. "Then I'm not leaving."

"You don't have to stay," Remus whispered, mentally chastising himself for even giving Sirius a chance to leave.

"I'm not leaving you, not when the other option is you spending the night in pain." Remus felt Sirius grin into his hair. "Not like I'm hating it, either." Remus smiled slightly in reply, rapidly finding himself becoming lost in Sirius's embrace. Sirius leaned back against one of the bedposts at the end of the bed, pulling Remus to his chest and holding him there as he pulled the curtain shut behind them.

"Sirius--"

"Hush," Sirius breathed, "You can kick me out of here in the morning. Just please....please let me help." Silence descended on the pair, Remus curled up in Sirius's embrace with Sirius's hands smoothing Remus's hair in a comforting gesture. "I've been in love with you since last year," Sirius finally muttered, causing Remus to glance up at him. "You seem to think that this is some kind of crush o-or desperation, and I need...you need to know that it's not."

"Sirius...," Remus began, but Sirius's hands forced him back down on his chest.

"Not finished," he admonished, but Remus could hear the smile in his words. "You forgave me for that incident with Snape. You shouldn't have. I certainly didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve to even be breathing the same air as you, let alone have you look at me with anything but loathing." He sighed; the hand that had been smoothing Remus's hair strayed down to his neck, tracing small circles around the nape. Remus shivered slightly, and Sirius let out a soft moan as Remus shifted closer.

"I don't know why I did what I did, and I know we haven't really talked about what happened. You just...accepted me." He took a deep breath. "I was jealous of Snape. You were only tutoring him in Transfiguration at McGonagall's request. I know that. I **knew** that. But I just...I'd see you two huddled in the library, and I'd just react." He was silent, and Remus rose up slightly to turn at study him.

"I'm sorry, Moony. I should have thought before I did anything then," Sirius stated, studying Remus with hooded eyes. "I shouldn't--" Sirius's next thought was silenced by Remus's hand on his lips.

"Quiet, Padfoot," Remus said softly, rolling over until he was face to face with Sirius. He braced himself with one arm while reaching up to cup Sirius's face. "Just...be quiet." With that he leaned forward and met Sirius's mouth.

The kiss was awkward at first, Sirius being unresponsive in surprise, but as Sirius relaxed and pulled Remus closer, the kiss deepened, teeth tugging at each other's lips. Remus's hand moved up into Sirius's hair, pulling slightly, earning him a growl in response. As Sirius prodded Remus's lips apart, Remus moved up, straddling Sirius's legs. Sirius hands found the hem of Remus's shirt, pushing it up and touching the warm flesh of his back. Remus broke away from Sirius with a moan.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, panting, his hands not leaving Remus's back. "Remus?"

"We can't do this," Remus whispered, more to himself than to Sirius.

"Why?"

"I don't want...you can't possibly want to be bound to me for life, Padfoot. For **life** ," Remus stressed.

"You think I haven't thought about it? Right now, just being here with you is enough, Remus. Moony, the thought of spending the next fifty years with you, that...that makes me happier than I have been in a very long time," Sirius replied, reaching up and stroking Remus's cheek and brushing a bit of hair out of his face.

"You know, when I heard you and Lily in the Shrieking Shack, I didn't know what to think. It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for you. I mean, I think that I haven't thought of you as just a friend in a while, but I couldn't comprehend that you would feel anything towards me. You'd dated half of the female population of Ravenclaw by the end of our fourth year," Remus stated, smiling slightly, "I didn't think...."

"Well, James used to say that I wasn't one for limiting my options," Sirius replied with a grin, but he sobered as he ran his thumb lightly over Remus's cheekbone. "But it's only been you for a very long time now," he said.

"I love you," Remus whispered, leaning forward and claiming Sirius's mouth again.

"Moony?" Sirius said, pulling back and studying his face.

"I don't know when I fell in love with you. I don't know for how long, but I do know that when you kissed me this evening, it felt right. It felt like the only time that the wolf and the human in me were in almost perfect synch," Remus stated, smiling. "Sirius? Are you really okay with this?"

"Yes," Sirius said, moving his hands up Remus's back, causing Remus to shift his hips forward slightly as he arched his back. "Oh, yes," he moaned as Remus leaned forward again.

"I'm not sure how this is supposed to work," Remus stated, suddenly, causing Sirius to raise an eyebrow. "I know how that works," he replied, "But I don't...I'm not entirely sure how the whole mating thing works."

"Oh. Maybe you just have to, um, claim me?" Sirius replied with a smirk. Remus blinked, considering. Then he grinned and leaned forward, lightly touching Sirius's lips.

"Mine," he breathed, and he felt Sirius smile.

"Yours," Sirius replied. Then, Remus's balance shifted suddenly and he found himself tumbling over with Sirius on top of him. Sirius pinned Remus arms above his head and smirked triumphantly. He leaned down, his nose touching the tip of Remus's nose. "Mine?" Remus nodded as Sirius inclined his head and kissed the hollow of Remus's throat. He trailed his tongue across Remus's collarbone, his eyes never leaving Remus's. "Mine," he growled, tugging Remus's t-shirt over his head.

"Yours, Padfoot," Remus muttered as he arched his back, Sirius's hand trailing down Remus's stomach, and his breath hitched as Sirius's hand lightly caressed Remus's growing hardness.

"I love you, Moony," Sirius whispered.

"I love you, too."


	7. Epilogue

  
_And sweet_

sweet surrender

__

is all that I have to give

__

You take me in

__

no questions asked

__

you strip away the ugliness

__

that surrounds me

__

\-- "Sweet Surrender," by Sarah McLachlan

Remus awoke the next morning to find himself curled up against Sirius's side, one hand wrapped around Sirius's waist and his head pillowed on Sirius's bare shoulder. He rose up slightly, staring down at his mate, and he couldn't help but grin at the word.

"Mine," he whispered, brushing a strand of black hair out of Sirius's face. As his fingertips touched Sirius's face, Sirius's hand reached up and captured his fingers, bringing them down to his lips and kissing them lightly.

"Hey," Sirius whispered, cracking his eyes open and smiling up at Remus.

"Hey," Remus replied, "Pain's gone." He blinked, doing a mental check of his body and blushing slightly. "Well, at least, the mating pain is gone."

"That's good," Sirius replied. "You know, you're beautiful," he murmured, lifting a hand and touching Remus's hair lightly. Remus smiled softly, kissing Sirius's forehead. Just then came sound of someone clearing there throat. Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius who just shrugged. Remus poked his head out of the curtains to find James standing by the side of the bed with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, you two could have put a silencing charm on the bed, right?" James stated, crossing his arms and trying to look annoyed. The effect was ruined by the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "It's a miracle I got any sleep at all. I mean, really, **three** times." Remus ducked his head, blushing.

"Moony's an animal," Sirius commented from behind the curtain.

"Too much information, Padfoot," James replied, "We're going to breakfast. Will you two be joining us?"

"Yeah, give us a second," Remus stated, glancing back at Sirius.

James chuckled, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Already did that last night," Sirius stated. Remus merely rolled his eyes, and went back inside the curtain. Sirius studied him for a moment.

"Are you still okay with this?" Sirius asked, finally.

"Yes, Padfoot," he replied with a smile. "Are you?"

"Never been happier," Sirius stated, leaning up and capturing Remus's mouth with his own.

"Lily's going to kill us though," Remus stated when the kiss broke. "We ruined her plotting."

"Nah, Red'll be happy for us," Sirius replied, opening the curtain slightly and checking to make sure that no one was in the dorm. The coast was clear, and he and Remus stepped into the room, pulling clothes out of their trunks. As they dressed, Remus kept getting distracted by the way Sirius's muscles moved as pulled the shirt over his head. Sirius glanced over at Remus and grinned.

"You keep looking at me like that, Moony, and we'll never get to breakfast," Sirius stated, turning and watching his lover.

"And that would be a bad thing?" Remus replied with a laugh as he stepped towards Sirius. He wrapped his arms around Sirius's shoulders and looked up at him.

"Well, no," Sirius said, smiling, ducking down and meeting Remus's lips. The pair was deep into the kiss when the door to the boys' dorm slammed open. The two shot apart to stare at Lily, who was literally bouncing where she stood. James stood behind looking slightly embarrassed. Peter looked between Sirius and Remus and raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"I'm so happy for you two," Lily gushed rushing into the room, and wrapping her arms around them. They exchanged a look over her head.

"Well, at least you're both dressed," James commented.

"Let me get this straight," Peter started, "Sirius is in love with Remus?" James laughed, placing an arm around Peter's shoulders.

"Long story, Pete," James stated as Sirius and Remus exchanged a quick kiss before following the other three down to breakfast.

\------------------ END


End file.
